A WARRI BOYS LETTER TO THE PRESIDENT ...IN BROKEN(FUNNY BT INTERESTING)

Oga Presido,
First of all I hail ooo! I no say u no dey
cary last. You be confirm Ijaw pikin. As
dat ur middle name ‘Ebele’ mean ‘mercy’
so make u pity ur children settle their
lecturers naa!
The matter neva tire u? Suppose say ur
pikin wey u born for belle follow us dey
house, shey you for never answer we
lecturers them? Una say make we bone
kidnapping, militant things and all the bad
bad things dem go enter school, now na
una com dey f**k up. All the things wε̲γ
we lecturers don teash us for klass we
don forget finish. Last last, na una go still
call us “half-baked”, “half-roasted”, abi na
“half-fried”. Na una sabi!
Dem talk say person no fit run pass him
shadow. We dey hea dey watch you. Na
ur time be dis use am well, but we go jam
for 2015. U don forget say youths na we
dey vote pass abi? Na we sef dey snatch
ballot box, dey do rally and som kain
kukere things dem wey una dey take win
election. U go still nid our help o. That
time we sef go go strike. Shebi u sabi
waka witout shoe, u go carry ur leg do ur
rally. No thug for u. We no go snatch
ballot make you for win. If any maga try
am we go fall hin hand.
So bro Jona, na ur opportunity be dis o
make u code this stubborn ASUU pipu
make dem cary their wahala enta class.
We no say na rush them go begin rush us
but we no send. All join. Na who get leg
dey kuku pass exam no be who read. Na
still who get leg dey get beta work. Na
Naija we dey. So make u do something
because our mate dem for private
university don graj finish. We don tire to
dey beef them. If u no shake bodi fast
make u no forget say university of
militancy still dey admit dey neva even
release 2nd batch ooo!
Abeg try grit maale Patience well well (i
thank baba Godee say she and gran papa
Soyinka don settle that their quarrel),
greet all those bad belle advisers wey u
get too, God pass them! Uncle Amaechi
still dey Niger-delta here o, hin don tire
for ur mata. I dey grit u for am too.
I go stop for here. E go be na.
Naija student for life!
Na ur waffi boy.